Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Monday, July 5, 2010

Tales From the Creepy Bus, Book 12

Acrimonius Saltpeter had just remarked to his friend, Tode, "bless my soul, but didn't I see you yesterday, waxing your mustaches at Biggums Bandshell?"
"You are most dreadfully mistaken, my fine simple wretch," said Tode, " for both myself and my doppleganger were engaged at the moment you mentioned (did he?) in a game of cock-robin with Doris Supplenty."
"Oh yes, then I completely understand and I pray you forgive me my liberties, old bark."
"Not at all, old toff. Don't even think of mentioning it."
Merrily did they skip and trot along their dusty way and passed, they did, many a paltry sum of brain parts scattered to the whims.

But twenty furlongs to the south and several inches nor'west, with three sheets to the wind and five points aft the port bow, there sat upon his ass, a parson of disreputable girth. He smoked a clay pipe filled with acrid pitch as he beat his ass, the poor animal receiving the relentless blows from his cloth-clad burden with the reverence and sanguinity of a parched lord. Yet did this animal not bear spirit of mind? For within its thoughts there was a resemblance of certain morals and forms and ideals of an elevated nature, there disproving and usurping the parson's system of axioms. All at once, the parson's existence as a rational being was negated and he flashed from existence.
At that very moment, the Spooky Bus belched forth its one occupant...

[exuent S.B. Occupant and ass.]

[Interior. Doris Supplenty's boudoir. Acrimonious Saltpeter and Tode, both reclining in a washbasin of perfumed water.]

AS: The world is full of cabbages, you know. [lifts a morsel of sweetmeats to his lips, partially missing and spilling crumbs down his damp jabot.]

T: So you say. And how came you to this peak of observation?

AS: As always, through steady observation and constancy of reason.

T: An example, pray?

AS: On my way here today, I passed thirty persons, by my count, and not less than four and twenty of them were cabbages.

T: 'Tis remarkable indeed. And do you know, if they're not cabbages, they're radishes.

AS: You are correct sir. I say, is there not any more cake? Pray call that blaggardly fellow of a dogsbody and tell him come here.

[BFOAD is summoned.]